Dealing with a not interested in sailing wife???

[Steve]

Wow, more great answers, thanks. Now I'm wondering if I should just let her read this thread?

Steve

[mike]

Steve,

I recommend this book:

The Perfect First Mate: A Woman's Guide to Recreational Boating

--Mike

[Tom Root]

Neat link to the books there Mike! I see there are a few others in the same section. Ahh, read all the books ya want, but some real straight scoop is imparted right here on this great board....many Kudo's to Heath!

I am sure others out there found ways to insure our partners in life learn to appreciate the value of our recreation! What a great thread!

If a real sailing book is ever published, Heath should derive the material gathered here, and have the publishing rights to it! The material for an all-incusive book sure is right here! I think the best of the best sailors are Mac sailors, not simply because they own a Mac, but because it seems we are breed apart, as in less snobish, extremely intelligent, and about the most personable people on the planet.

But that is my personal opinion, lurkers, and potential Mac owners can simply go to other boards to verify this fact!

[Chip]

Former athlete drowned near Jupiter, Fla. (probably could not swim) after strong winds dumped him into the Atlantic. Fishing companion didn't know how to operate boat whatsoever and watched his friend drown.

I think that all wives should be taught to operate the boat competently under sail and power and how to throw a Jim Buoy Ring. After this recent news (above), I think it's time to spend a few hours practicing throws (on my end). Maybe you all have already done this. Just a suggestion. I know that I haven't practiced rescue techniques.

Steve, I may have missed it in the thread which I only had time to skim, but did you ever pinpoint why your wife is disinclined to go Macking? Getting to the root causes is paramount in finding manipulative ways (listed here in full) to engender participation. Don't accept, "I am just not interested in boating." Rubbish. She is either afraid of water, afraid of heeling, afraid of getting yelled at (ha ha), or just hates roughing it regardless of whether or not it is in a boat. Instead of making up for teh boating by lavishing her with gifts, etc., I would focus on showing her what's fun about boating while making sure that the conditions are always safe and tranquil when you do it. If she still isn't game, then find a concubine. Just kidding.

[Sloop John B]

I guess I'm lucky in this regard and would only add that it's not good to push your luck.

There have been times when 'we have to get back now' instead of waiting out rough weather. This is when everything comes crashing off the seats and rattles back and forth across the cabin. Waves pound against the bow and a huge spray of salt water lights your eyes on fire. And these frightened eyes are darting from horizon to horizon looking for real trouble.

She folds her arms and sticks out her chin, "Damned if I ever come out here again." Hair all curled into ringlets in the drizzle.

It's difficult to argue with an intelligent comment.

A few more times like that and I think she'll mean it.

[jmclemore]

I've found that suitable new jewelery and/or shoes, bag & matching posh frock, in conjuntion with lots of wine (note: not whine) and dinner at a REALLY nice restaurant sometimes helps.

Sometimes.

I'll take that jewelry - and any other goodies you're offering!



Some thoughts from the other side of the gender divide . . .

Assuming the dear wife enjoys your company, being together away from the humdrum stuff of daily life should be the number one reason for going sailing with you. Finding places you both want to go and doing it together is a pretty big draw, even if it does require a tippy, wet, windy form of transportation. Involve your wife (and kids!) in the planning enough that it's their hobby, but not to the point of boring them to tears if they're not interested in the details of every piece of rigging or electronic equipment. Details of creature comforts are another matter, however! (Love that hot shower!).

Learning more about the boat and sailing is a good thing. I grew up with canoes and rowboats, but I never had the opportunity to sail as a youngster. I have a long way to go before I will feel confident about sailing or powerboating, but I'm committed to it. If nothing else, it's unsafe to have only one skipper who can operate the radio and get us to shore. I also like a good time, have loved being around water all my life, and want to learn something new. A safe boating course helped me gain some basic understanding, and I'll be spending more time learning on the boat this summer. I'm counting on the captain to be understanding . . . and not yell at me!

Gentlemen, remember to take care of the home front. Many wives keep up with the family calendar and the seemingly endless list of PTO meetings, baseball games, piano lessons, school projects, rummage sales, etc. It's nice to be spontaneous and good boating weather can't be saved for another day. Nonetheless, the lawn does need occasional mowing, and all that stuff on the family calendar can't always be ignored or postponed. Hubbies who keep up with household chores and are considerate of the family's other weekend plans have an easier sell when it comes time for a spontaneous day of sailing. Preparing the supplies, food, and gear for a longer trip is also a pretty big job. Help and appreciation directed toward the family organizer are very much in order!

Kids are both a delight and a complication. The smiles on their faces can be the highlight of an outing. Our kids are old enough now to begin helping more and are definitely of an age to learn to sail, which they've begun. When they were younger, it was more challenging to organize an outing of any kind and to conduct it in safety with them. Those of you with little ones, please, please make sure they're strong swimmers and also wear their safety vests. Sometimes resistant wives are moms who are scared that the kids will get hurt.

This old lady can always be interested in a pretty sunset or the sight and sound of loons on a lake. I'd rather share it with my captain than see it alone or with anyone else. Just don't yell and don't ask me to spend hours learning about the inner workings of GPS!

[Divecoz]

I asked her years ago . . why were you attracted to me? One of the reasons she gave was "I was adventurous" . . .I remind her every so often why she married me
Audrey had Near death /drowning as an adult, twice. Now she is AOWD . HOW/WHY?? Because I scuba and she decided sitting on the beach was for OLD LADIES!
Sailing. . . .Took her out for a 4 hour "private sunset sail" ROMANTIC!!!!!!!. . . 6 months latter she cut Bill a check. Same with the Motorcycle purchase. . . . kind of The house on Cozumel too. . . got to show them it will be Fun Romantic or Adventurous what ever fits...
Works for me and we do A LOT of things together.
Off subject maybe a little here but . . . Numerous friends of ours who have taken early retirement and did very little together, and are now having some rough times . Audrey and I do a LOT of things together. We don't compete we are neither one . . pros , and we enjoy being with each other DOING. . . fun things together. It also keeps us in shape.. Dont want to look like those Old Folks on the beach

[Frank C]

Some thoughts from the other side of the gender divide . . .

First post?
Pretty articulate, Mrs. Mac, as is your partner. Welcome aboard!

[Tripp Gal]

I thought I should pipe in and play devil's advocate for just a second.

It's astounding the # of reasons a spouse won't sail with another. The top 5 are below.

1. The "other half" is a yeller on the boat. I could write a book on the psychology/sociology of spousal sailing with all the dynamics of this topic itself.

2. The environment (boat or water) doesn't provide them the same relaxation as you. This can be anything including the slap of water on the hull keeps them up at night, or they find the sailing part a hassle.

3. They are outside their comfort zone.

4. They don't feel that a vacation should include them keeping a boat tidy, meals cooked, and dishes clean all within the square area of a small garage. Sorry to break it to some of you, but the houskeeper of the house rarely finds a vacation where they have to cook and clean without the amenities of "real" home a true holiday.

5. The destinations picked are of no interest to them.

One of the best things to do is sit your sig other down and have them explain in very clear honest terms what they don't like about sailing. Then work out if there is something you can do to mitigate that dislike. For example, if they don't enjoy cooking on a hotplate and washing dishes in salt water then give the option of disposable ware and you "do the dishes".

The biggest one is if they identify you as a yeller. A yeller also includes those who are excruciatingly polite while clenching their teeth as they speak. Yeah, y'all know who you are. If a conversation goes somthing like this, you may need to evaluate your own boating personality.

While docking in a new marina while the wind is up and a current is running, you have a discussion like this:

You: "Honey, I really need you to make sure you get the stern line on quickly here:
Them: "OK"
As you approach you notice huge slippage and realize you are going to end up taking out your neighbor's anchor.
"Honey, fend off that anchor"
"You told me to get the stern line on"
"Honey, PLEASE go over to the other size and make sure we don't hit his anchor"
"OK"
"Sweetheart, get the sternline on now. Honey, Now please, NOW!?!. Honey I told you to get the stern line on. Stop worrying about the anchor, I really need you to get the bowline on"
"But you told me to watch the anchor."

Did this sound familiar? Were your teeth clenched when you said it in real ife? You might be a yeller. If you are, then you have to figure out why that behavior is showing up. Is it because of your own comfort level/skill level? Is it because you have a naturally short temper?

Tell her you want the honest truth, as it's the only way you can figure out how to make changes so she might enjoy the sport more.

[jmclemore]

Frank - Thanks for the welcome. Can't let Kevin have all the fun!

Tripp Gal - Love the onboard dialogue! It only improves when the landlubber spouse doesn't understand the captain's sailing lingo. Comprehension is inversely proportional to the urgency of the situation.

[Steve]

Whoa...I'm going to have to put this together into a book...or at least bind it. Thank you again guys, and especially ladies for giving another perspective. Carol and I will have to sit down and chat. Maybe over a nice bottle of wine and steak dinner on the Mac around sunset...if it ever stops raining in Tennessee.

Thank you again. I think I'll read this entire thread again from the beginning and get out my notebook.

Steve

[kmclemore]

...Carol and I will have to sit down and chat. Maybe over a nice bottle of wine and steak dinner on the Mac around sunset...

Don't forget the jewlery.

[kmclemore]

Some thoughts from the other side of the gender divide . . .

First post?
Pretty articulate, Mrs. Mac, as is your partner. Welcome aboard!

She's off on a "girl's only weekend" just now, and so yours-truly is playing bachelor father for a few days, but for her I'll say "Thanks, Frank!" Actually, she's a whole lot more than just articulate - she's the one who keeps me from being a total mess, and believe me, that ain't easy. Plus she's one heck of a mom and business woman, too.

But as for us, yeah, we're a pretty 'articulate' bunch around here... ...come to think of it, I believe I'm the only one in the family that's not 'published' in some way, either as an inventor, scientist or artist - Mrs. M. has even contributed to a US Patent, and both of our fathers hold several of them. (sigh... I feel so inadequate...)

Anyway, amusing anecdote re being articulate... when our older son was a baby, one of his first words was - believe it or not - "zeppelin". We had one hanging as an ornament on the Christmas tree and he pointed to it.. I told him what it was, and he took it from there. Would have been nicer if one of his first words had been 'daddy' instead, but you take what you get with kids!

[Dave X2000 Jac]

A primary dynamic that drives our family is the level of interest of our three children. Those adventures the kids and I want to do coax my wife into joining us. Skiing for example: When we were married, my wife saw herself as more of a "real skier" because she did cross country for exercise and to get to higher elevations which could be skied down. I, on the other hand, like downhill. I will cross country at times for some cardio exercise, but I'd much rather take the lift and blast back down. Our kids tried both and "much to my surprise" (he, he) loved downhill. It only took a couple of vacations, with her off cross country skiing and me and the kids over on the slopes, for her to realize that if she ever wanted to see the kids during a winter vacation, she'd need to get more comfortable with downhill. She now loves downhill. She will still cross country ski, once in a while, but until the kids want to try cross country, it's downhill mainly.
The MacX provided similar inroads. Even though my wife would rather sun and swim at at beach, the kids love knee boarding off the back of the Mac. To have some fun with "the fam", she joins us. When they get tired, we drop anchor for a swim and lunch, then we sail for the rest of the afternoon. They now expect and accept the transition from motor to sail and are finding ways to help me during the changeover. My wife even takes the helm as I retrieve the anchor. She is slowly getting comfortable with how a Mac differs Camry.
Extended overnights will be the next challenge. I've done two, week-long trips to the Lake Erie islands and four, week-long explorations of the North Channel of Lake Huron - all with my father, brother, and a male co-worker. To get my wife and/or kids to join me on one of those trips is my next goal.
...but as Bob says - "baby steps",
Dave "Jac"

[Catigale]

She folds her arms and sticks out her chin, "Damned if I ever come out here again."

...and for those of you young guys wondering how you win the argument from this position...

..the argument is already over.