Seriously, I love my wife, but planning vacations around sailing does not interest her a whole lot. Kinda bumming me out her a little.
Thanks...
Steve
Dealing with a not interested in sailing wife???
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Steve
- Engineer
- Posts: 186
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 10:33 am
- Sailboat: MacGregor 26X
- Location: '99 X, "The Doghouse", Nashville, Tennessee
- Contact:
Dealing with a not interested in sailing wife???
Just curious how anyone else has dealt with a non-interested in sailing wife. Other than deep sixing her.
Seriously, I love my wife, but planning vacations around sailing does not interest her a whole lot. Kinda bumming me out her a little.
Thanks...
Steve
Seriously, I love my wife, but planning vacations around sailing does not interest her a whole lot. Kinda bumming me out her a little.
Thanks...
Steve
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aya16
- Admiral
- Posts: 1362
- Joined: Fri Feb 18, 2005 6:29 am
- Location: LONG BEACH CALIF Mac M 04 WHITE
I see you have a Mac, there is a lot of nice resorts you can trailer to, day sail and at night spa mud bath dinner dancing clean cozy room whatever, lifes about compromise. If she wont, get a girl friend.
center the vacation around her desires that would include the boat. Not the other way around. Tahoe comes to mind as does Vegas. Should be something out your way.
Good luck
center the vacation around her desires that would include the boat. Not the other way around. Tahoe comes to mind as does Vegas. Should be something out your way.
Good luck
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baldbaby2000
- Admiral
- Posts: 1382
- Joined: Sun Mar 28, 2004 8:41 am
- Location: Rapid City, SD, 2005 26M, 40hp Tohatsu
- Contact:
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mike
- Captain
- Posts: 812
- Joined: Sun Dec 28, 2003 8:06 pm
- Location: MS Gulf Coast "Wind Dancer" 98 26X
Hmmmm... not to make light of your situation, but perhaps this is a good potential business opportunity for the right person... a marriage counselor who specializes in situations where one spouse loves to sail and the other is not interested!
Seriously though, I'm blessed with a wife who, despite our "underway during very rough seas and high winds in the middle the night because the captain made some not-so-great choices" experience during our trip a few weeks ago, did not put the boat up for sale when we returned home.
What aya16 suggested sounds reasonable... in Biloxi, MS for instance, there is the Beau Rivage Resort, which has a very nice marina.
What does she not like about sailing? I mean, does she like the sailing part, but just doesn't like "roughing it" out at anchor overnight?
--Mike
Seriously though, I'm blessed with a wife who, despite our "underway during very rough seas and high winds in the middle the night because the captain made some not-so-great choices" experience during our trip a few weeks ago, did not put the boat up for sale when we returned home.
What aya16 suggested sounds reasonable... in Biloxi, MS for instance, there is the Beau Rivage Resort, which has a very nice marina.
What does she not like about sailing? I mean, does she like the sailing part, but just doesn't like "roughing it" out at anchor overnight?
--Mike
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nemo
- Engineer
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 4:39 pm
- Location: Aloha, Oregon, '05 M, Suz70, "Nemo"
My wife had a near drowning experience as a child and had not been interested in water activities nor boats since we've been married, now over 20 years.. Here's what I did.
It took some time, patience and money, but it worked.. First, we sold the old '88 bounder RV and decided to blow the $15k on vacations..
March '04: We took the family on a cruise (our first ever) on the biggest, smoothest ship I could find (Royal Carribean Voyager of the Seas). Even in 20 foot seas we could barely feel any rocking. She loved wading around in the warm water on the beach at Cozumel and even put on a mask & snorkel for a few minutes. Great confidence builder.
June '04: I let her go to Hawaii with her 2 best friends for a week. Now she was the one who had snorkeled once before and she talked her friends into doing it there - they had a great time together. Now she was overcoming her fear of water.
Oct '04: I took her to the Lowes Resort at Coronado island, San Diego, for 3 days to celebrate 20 year anniversary. How convenient, they just happen to have a resort owned dock with rental sailboats (I knew that ahead). I picked the day with the lightest wind, hardly enough to sail, and said let's rent a boat for a few hours. She was game to humor me. It was a very gentle, pleasant sail in a Capri 22 - and I was careful to not heel over far, nor scare her. She really enjoyed it.
Dec '04: I start to hint that it would be fun to have something to replace that ol' RV, for the kids, of course..
Jan '05: I plan a "date" to a really nice restaurant, if she'll humor me with a jaunt through Portland boat show, just to look around, on the afternoon before the dinner. What happened next really was not planned at all. We met Cheryl of BWY at the show, with her MacGregor. She was so friendly, not pushy at all. She talked about the fun she's had with her kids on their Mac around the San Juans. I give Cheryl all the credit for helping my wife to understand how good a boat could work for us. We left, had the nice dinner and my wife suggested that maybe we should consider buying a Mac. Since they had a good deal going for the boat show, and since the Seattle show was starting the next week and we figured their delivery dates would get pushed out into the spring soon, we decided to go for it. (She had to really twist my arm to agree to buy a boat a couple days later.)
Feb '05: We drive up from Portland to Seattle and attend an evening Beginning Sailing seminar at BWY taught by Todd. We stay in a 4 star hotel that night and get a sailing lesson from Ray in the morning and take delivery right after lunch. The Mac now lives in the spot where we used to park the ol' RV.
Mission accomplished!
I'm taking the ASA classes now for my own good and also to build her confidence in my sailing abilities. Safety is foremost in everything. We plan to get experience this year, then next year we plan to spend some time in the San Juans.
It took some time, patience and money, but it worked.. First, we sold the old '88 bounder RV and decided to blow the $15k on vacations..
March '04: We took the family on a cruise (our first ever) on the biggest, smoothest ship I could find (Royal Carribean Voyager of the Seas). Even in 20 foot seas we could barely feel any rocking. She loved wading around in the warm water on the beach at Cozumel and even put on a mask & snorkel for a few minutes. Great confidence builder.
June '04: I let her go to Hawaii with her 2 best friends for a week. Now she was the one who had snorkeled once before and she talked her friends into doing it there - they had a great time together. Now she was overcoming her fear of water.
Oct '04: I took her to the Lowes Resort at Coronado island, San Diego, for 3 days to celebrate 20 year anniversary. How convenient, they just happen to have a resort owned dock with rental sailboats (I knew that ahead). I picked the day with the lightest wind, hardly enough to sail, and said let's rent a boat for a few hours. She was game to humor me. It was a very gentle, pleasant sail in a Capri 22 - and I was careful to not heel over far, nor scare her. She really enjoyed it.
Dec '04: I start to hint that it would be fun to have something to replace that ol' RV, for the kids, of course..
Jan '05: I plan a "date" to a really nice restaurant, if she'll humor me with a jaunt through Portland boat show, just to look around, on the afternoon before the dinner. What happened next really was not planned at all. We met Cheryl of BWY at the show, with her MacGregor. She was so friendly, not pushy at all. She talked about the fun she's had with her kids on their Mac around the San Juans. I give Cheryl all the credit for helping my wife to understand how good a boat could work for us. We left, had the nice dinner and my wife suggested that maybe we should consider buying a Mac. Since they had a good deal going for the boat show, and since the Seattle show was starting the next week and we figured their delivery dates would get pushed out into the spring soon, we decided to go for it. (She had to really twist my arm to agree to buy a boat a couple days later.)
Feb '05: We drive up from Portland to Seattle and attend an evening Beginning Sailing seminar at BWY taught by Todd. We stay in a 4 star hotel that night and get a sailing lesson from Ray in the morning and take delivery right after lunch. The Mac now lives in the spot where we used to park the ol' RV.
Mission accomplished!
I'm taking the ASA classes now for my own good and also to build her confidence in my sailing abilities. Safety is foremost in everything. We plan to get experience this year, then next year we plan to spend some time in the San Juans.
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Jeff Drumm
- Chief Steward
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Sat Jan 31, 2004 5:39 am
- Location: 43 54' 03" N 69 59' 47" W 2002 26X "Wasabe"
In my case, I simply learned how to do things singlehanded (no snide remarks), and got over it. I had a lot more fun after I stopped agonizing about how to convince the wife to come along.
She'll do day sails, and will head down to 5 Islands on the boat for a lobster dinner at the drop of a hat. But overnighting on the boat gives her "porcelain withdrawal."
My son's now 16, and would much rather spend time in the rec room on his X-Box. I do manage to drag him along once in a while, and he usually has a good time.
She'll do day sails, and will head down to 5 Islands on the boat for a lobster dinner at the drop of a hat. But overnighting on the boat gives her "porcelain withdrawal."
My son's now 16, and would much rather spend time in the rec room on his X-Box. I do manage to drag him along once in a while, and he usually has a good time.
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Rick
- Just Enlisted
- Posts: 22
- Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2004 10:41 am
- Location: OKC, Oklahoma: Rudder Chaos 2005 26M-Honda 50
Nemo:
Bless you. It appears to me that you have the most expensive Mac of anyone on this board. It reminds me of a commercial:
Selling your RV: $15,000.00
Blowing the proceeds on vacations: $15,000.00
Royal Carribean Cruise: $8,000.00
A week in Hawaii: $10,000.00
3 days at Lowes Resort at Coronado: $3,000.00
Dinner at one Portland's finest dining establishments: $225.00
Tickets to the Portland Boat Show: $30.00
ASA Sailing lessons: $450.00
Convincing her that a new MacGregor sailboat is "her idea", priceless.
Seriously, I enjoy your posts.
Bless you. It appears to me that you have the most expensive Mac of anyone on this board. It reminds me of a commercial:
Selling your RV: $15,000.00
Blowing the proceeds on vacations: $15,000.00
Royal Carribean Cruise: $8,000.00
A week in Hawaii: $10,000.00
3 days at Lowes Resort at Coronado: $3,000.00
Dinner at one Portland's finest dining establishments: $225.00
Tickets to the Portland Boat Show: $30.00
ASA Sailing lessons: $450.00
Convincing her that a new MacGregor sailboat is "her idea", priceless.
Seriously, I enjoy your posts.
How to get and keep your wife interested in sailing
In dealing with a not interested in sailing wife, the first question is are you the admiral and she the gofer or vice verse. Case in point. I have been amazed how much Diane has enjoyed sailing. We have been married over 36 years and I never even broached the idea because although she is a very good swimmer, snorkler and scuba dives. Sailing was financially out of our reach (3 kids) and she always said she would get nauseous sailing. I was able to convince her to go with friends in their 26X through the Thousand Islands. She was very apprehensive and even had checked out places where she could grab a bus back to Ottawa. It turned out she loved it. Liked the spray from the waves and heeling as well as motor cruising. In fact after being with friends and finding out how much it would cost to get a 26X she wanted to buy one for 5 years so we could explore the lakes and rivers around Ontario, Quebec and Northern New York then sell. But there were some conditions:
1. I couldnt nickel and dime fixing up the interior. She drew up plans for modifying our galley to hold good, easy to clean, pots and pans ($$), plates that could be accessed and stored easily and conveniently. We have 1 alcohol and one restaurant type gas burner so that both of us could cook simultaneously. We have knives, forks, cleaning materials, books cameras etc, in a modifiable Ikea Framat ($40) system that runs the length of the cabin and head. (see mod page). The Macgregor cooler is gone and dry goods are stored there and we have 2 ice/AC/DC coolers the IGLOO lashed to the battery seat and the smaller one between the stairs and battery seat to be easily accessible while cooking. She has made fitted sheets for the V-berth (extension) where we sleep. She is continually attempting to make food preparation and cleanup and storage easier. For instance we now have an IPOD and Lansing music system to cut down on the mess from the discman, CDs and speakers. (see mod). We also have a full Dowsar enclosure (see mod) and we had a mast support crutch made so that we can go through canals with the enclosure completely up. In short our Mac is like a 2 room studio apartmentit is designed for comfort and so I can bring her coffee in bed in the morning.. Hard core male sailors would look at Jedaro and sneer!
2. Cruisingwe spent a lot of time practising docking, leaving docks under various wind and current conditions. She has now motored through over 80 locks and I have done only a few and she is at the helm for virtually all dockings and leaving while I am usually at the bow with a hook. She is good. Think of the number of times where the male is at the controls and the partner is attempting to hook the dock and get off the boat.
3. Sailing we both take turns at the helm and the sheets but in windy, gusty situations the more nervous one (usually me) holds the sheets and we have agreed that when the clinometer hits 30 degrees or when it becomes uncomfortable and we can release and spill some wind or reef or take down the sails.
4. In short she has ownership of the boat and the sailing/cruising. Oh yes definitely stop at a good restaurant from time to time or upscale marina such as the Fairmont Montebello along the Ottawa River and pamper yourselves, especially if shes over 50.
The longest we have sailed at any one time is 34 days on Georgian Bay but we plan to take a 3-4 week trip in June to Georgian Bay and a 3 week trip in September to the Thousand Islands and along the Rideau Canal system.
Hope that some of these points may help
Mike Purdy
By the way, yesterday she suggested we go to a trailor place to cost getting the trailor modified into a dual axle so that we could travel farther and easier to sailing locations--5 years, I hope not!
1. I couldnt nickel and dime fixing up the interior. She drew up plans for modifying our galley to hold good, easy to clean, pots and pans ($$), plates that could be accessed and stored easily and conveniently. We have 1 alcohol and one restaurant type gas burner so that both of us could cook simultaneously. We have knives, forks, cleaning materials, books cameras etc, in a modifiable Ikea Framat ($40) system that runs the length of the cabin and head. (see mod page). The Macgregor cooler is gone and dry goods are stored there and we have 2 ice/AC/DC coolers the IGLOO lashed to the battery seat and the smaller one between the stairs and battery seat to be easily accessible while cooking. She has made fitted sheets for the V-berth (extension) where we sleep. She is continually attempting to make food preparation and cleanup and storage easier. For instance we now have an IPOD and Lansing music system to cut down on the mess from the discman, CDs and speakers. (see mod). We also have a full Dowsar enclosure (see mod) and we had a mast support crutch made so that we can go through canals with the enclosure completely up. In short our Mac is like a 2 room studio apartmentit is designed for comfort and so I can bring her coffee in bed in the morning.. Hard core male sailors would look at Jedaro and sneer!
2. Cruisingwe spent a lot of time practising docking, leaving docks under various wind and current conditions. She has now motored through over 80 locks and I have done only a few and she is at the helm for virtually all dockings and leaving while I am usually at the bow with a hook. She is good. Think of the number of times where the male is at the controls and the partner is attempting to hook the dock and get off the boat.
3. Sailing we both take turns at the helm and the sheets but in windy, gusty situations the more nervous one (usually me) holds the sheets and we have agreed that when the clinometer hits 30 degrees or when it becomes uncomfortable and we can release and spill some wind or reef or take down the sails.
4. In short she has ownership of the boat and the sailing/cruising. Oh yes definitely stop at a good restaurant from time to time or upscale marina such as the Fairmont Montebello along the Ottawa River and pamper yourselves, especially if shes over 50.
The longest we have sailed at any one time is 34 days on Georgian Bay but we plan to take a 3-4 week trip in June to Georgian Bay and a 3 week trip in September to the Thousand Islands and along the Rideau Canal system.
Hope that some of these points may help
Mike Purdy
By the way, yesterday she suggested we go to a trailor place to cost getting the trailor modified into a dual axle so that we could travel farther and easier to sailing locations--5 years, I hope not!
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Tom Root
- Captain
- Posts: 560
- Joined: Mon Jan 05, 2004 11:39 pm
- Sailboat: MacGregor 26X
- Location: Annville, PA. s/v-Great White, MacX4787A202,'09 Suzuki DF-50
Steve,
Wow that's a toughie for sure. I found that several other interests related to us sailing. For us it was SCUBA. I met her on the Internet believe it or not, and saw on her profile that she was interested in a SCUBA partner. I was also, so walla...it really was 'Love at first sight', for us! We moved in with each other within a week of meeting, and that's been over 5 years ago!
After a few dives, I learned that she hated shore dives, and as a Califonia native, never been to Catalina! Uh, I suggested that a sailboat would be an inexpensive yet able dive platform, so we rented a few dinghy sailors, and eventually found a cheap Venture 25, and she was hooked!
When we had some disposable income, I said look at the X boat, fast, comfortable, and easy ingreess/degress for diving. That worked like a charm, we now own the Mac!
Another thing that did help, is we joined a local sailing club. Most of these have absolutely wonderful people, are family oriented, and also have many great sailors who are women. Although we don't attend functions nearly as much as I liked, they have been instrumental in her evolution of loving the sailing lifestyle! Last year, when she finaly got over her extreme fear of leaning on a sailboat, ( her innate -scream-O-meter!) and with the coaxing of other women she talked to at the club, she took the helm, and has been enjoying wetting the gunnels, ever since!
Yes, I love her dearly, she has come a long way, I was truly patient, and will be rewarded once we have the means.....she wants a bigger boat, and I am almost convincingly accomplishing the mission for us to get a Mac 65'. The big kicker here is that it is one of the few boats with a good sized BATHTUB. This lady hates showers, so that's a biggie for her!!
ahh yes, life's comprimises!
BTW- Your website ROCKS!
Wow that's a toughie for sure. I found that several other interests related to us sailing. For us it was SCUBA. I met her on the Internet believe it or not, and saw on her profile that she was interested in a SCUBA partner. I was also, so walla...it really was 'Love at first sight', for us! We moved in with each other within a week of meeting, and that's been over 5 years ago!
After a few dives, I learned that she hated shore dives, and as a Califonia native, never been to Catalina! Uh, I suggested that a sailboat would be an inexpensive yet able dive platform, so we rented a few dinghy sailors, and eventually found a cheap Venture 25, and she was hooked!
When we had some disposable income, I said look at the X boat, fast, comfortable, and easy ingreess/degress for diving. That worked like a charm, we now own the Mac!
Another thing that did help, is we joined a local sailing club. Most of these have absolutely wonderful people, are family oriented, and also have many great sailors who are women. Although we don't attend functions nearly as much as I liked, they have been instrumental in her evolution of loving the sailing lifestyle! Last year, when she finaly got over her extreme fear of leaning on a sailboat, ( her innate -scream-O-meter!) and with the coaxing of other women she talked to at the club, she took the helm, and has been enjoying wetting the gunnels, ever since!
Yes, I love her dearly, she has come a long way, I was truly patient, and will be rewarded once we have the means.....she wants a bigger boat, and I am almost convincingly accomplishing the mission for us to get a Mac 65'. The big kicker here is that it is one of the few boats with a good sized BATHTUB. This lady hates showers, so that's a biggie for her!!
ahh yes, life's comprimises!
BTW- Your website ROCKS!
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nemo
- Engineer
- Posts: 143
- Joined: Sun Mar 20, 2005 4:39 pm
- Location: Aloha, Oregon, '05 M, Suz70, "Nemo"
Rick, you almost have it right. The $15K from the RV is what paid for the cruise and other vacations.
No worries at all about my wife reading this. She's grateful to have overcome her fear of water and she likes the boat. We talk openly about this - after all, we've been married over 20 years and you don't make it that far with deceipt.
No worries at all about my wife reading this. She's grateful to have overcome her fear of water and she likes the boat. We talk openly about this - after all, we've been married over 20 years and you don't make it that far with deceipt.
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macsailor
- Chief Steward
- Posts: 63
- Joined: Fri Feb 11, 2005 9:52 am
- Location: MACX0309L596.... Brandon Manitoba
My wife isnt a very avid sailor, but she enjoys motoring around or staying on the boat. She just doesnt like it when it heals. IF it would sail flat all the time, she 'd be fine. But we compromised. I singlehand most of the time and she spends her time either at home or at the club we belong to. She said she would sooner have me out here enjoying the boat alone than have her on there and not enjoy the day.IN return I try to do what I can so she has a pleasent summer as well. We always vacation after we haul the boat in the fall, so she always gets her holiday as well.Been maried nearly 33 yrs, and seems to work for us. Hope it helps
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Graham Carr
- First Officer
- Posts: 258
- Joined: Tue Feb 10, 2004 9:19 pm
- Sailboat: MacGregor 26X
- Location: Sedro-Woolley WA, 2002 26X , Mercury 50hp 4 Stroke Bigfoot "Pauka2"
I am a carpenter and woodworker and for years I had planned on building a sailboat. I purchased the plans and about half of the materials, but I never had time to even get started. So finally three years ago Paula said you are going to be dead by the time you get around to building that boat. I said thats depressing, she said lets go buy one, I said thats exciting! She said I dont want an old one, but new. I fell over! I spent the next 6 months in the hospital from a split face, because I smiled to hard and hit my head when I jumped for joy!!!!!! Just kidding about the hospital part. So the plans are collecting dust and Ill build a ding to satisfy me desire to build a boat. Our kids do not like going out on the sail boat not fast enough. That buged me for a short time but I got over it. We just go out by ourselves but I would say 70% of the time I just solo. I think Jedaro, Tom and Nemo hit it on the head, just give her time and be patience.